


Missing or Lost

by ExcalibursLibrary



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Enemies to Friends, Flash Thompson Redemption, Identity Reveal, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, My First Work in This Fandom, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Self-Worth Issues, Spider-Man Identity Reveal, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28040301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExcalibursLibrary/pseuds/ExcalibursLibrary
Summary: *** WARNING ***This oneshot includes underage smoking, (non-generic) self harm, implied suicidal thoughts and self worth issues.Please dont read if this is not suitable for you. I do not want to trigger anyone.Spider-Man has gone missing and New York loses a spark of hope.Eugene notices this in a fellow classmate called Peter Parker, and with the inspiration of the masked vigilante, decides to be someone else's hero for ones.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Flash Thompson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	Missing or Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This work can be triggering because of Self Harm and Suicidal thoughts. Please do not trigger yourself at any point. If you need to stop reading than please do so.  
> I hope to share some of my thoughts and writing with people, but I care about your health more than the reader count.

"This just in! Spider-man seems to have gone missing. After his last performed battle, defeating the Vulture, we have not spotted the superhero any moment since."

"Crime levels have seemingly risen after the sudden dissapearence of The spider-man. We are all eagerly awaiting his return"

News reporters all over New york, Queens, have been reporting the very same news message day in, day out, for about three weeks now. 

No one has seen Spider-man since he defeated the Vulture, on his homecoming night. Not that anyone knows that last bit of information. Besides Spider-man's best friend, Ned, ofcourse. Who is slowly watching the guy drive himself insane. I'ts like Peter's thoughts are puzzle pieces, scattered all over the floor. And the only ones he finds are mis-matched, their solvents hiding somewhere out of reach. Creating a different picture overal, and making it impossible to see an end in sight.

-

"Yo Parker! Still mourning over the loss of your silly little internship with Stark?" Flash walked up to the former, thinking he is intimidating. Truth is, lately nothing seems to scare Peter anymore. Or does everything? 

"Come on man, what is there to miss actually. It's not like you actually had a job with the guy, let alone have been in the same room as Iron Man that is." He mockingly says, bowing down to Peter's eye level. The height difference only being a few inches, but it still managed to come over menacing, halting other students in their path.

Glaring back at Flash, Peter carefully spits out, "Shut up about things you know nothing about. Just leave me alone." Trying to not upset the bully any more than necessary, but also not in the mood to let him walk all over him right now. It seems his attempt failed though, when a hand swiftly came up to grasp his shoulder, keeping him firmly in place as he tried to walk away. 

"Seems like you say that to everyone lately, don't you?" Confused by Flash his words, Peter turns back to face him. The expression on his face an open inventation to let him explain what he was on about. 

"I'm saying that I never see any of your little friends around you, in place of that I keep spotting you on the parking lot with a smoke between your lips. Can't find a girl to kiss you instead, Parker?" 

Peter visually blanched, taking a slight step back. Creating as much distant as possible despite the hand still placed on his shoulder. "What is it to you." His voice slowly raising in volume as his patience runs thin. Combined with the fact that he hadn't expected anyone to know about his new habit, much less get called out for it. The conversation was taking turns he hadn't prepared himself for yet, and he needed to get out as soon as possible. Not completely sure how long he can hold back if the people present could already notice his starting frustration, judging by the whispers and stares that started around him the second he spoke again. 

"Let's just say this is my way of a truce. Skip class and light one up togheter?" 

Now, Peter Parker, science nerd, goody two shoes and Friendly Neighbourhood Spiderman would never accept that offer. Hell, he wouldn't even think about it. But things change.

He blinked up at the slightly taller guy infront of him for a bit, still trying to comprehend what was just said, before squaring his shoulder. "Let's go then" As Peter starts to make his way to the exit of the building, a shell shock Flash is left in the hallway. A dumbfounded expression covering his face, not expecting Parker to actually agree to his offer. Quickly composing himself he let a smirk cover his features before catching up with the other.

-

Taking another long drag, Petere watches the smoke escape from his lungs through his chapped lips. 

Smoking is such a calming thing. Although the taste is still debatable, the smoke escaping his lungs never ceases to calm him down. With every exhale the tension from the encounter in the school's hallway drifts away. Slowly bringing him to the present and the jock sitting beside him, Also with a cig between his lips and grey clouds surrounding his aura.

"So Parker, tell me. What is up with you lately" 

"Nothing that'll concern you, Flash" They're the first words spoken between them since they had arrived outside. Four cigarettes already discarded on the ground, signifying the time spend in silence. But now the ice has been broken and the first words have been said. A thoughtful look crosses Flash's face at the others repsonce, not completely sure what he wanted to hear, or what he was even aiming for. He hadn't exactly thought out this so called 'hang out', fully believing the other would decline, resulting in another five minutes of pestering each other before leaving for class. But he had accepted, and now he had to work on the fly. If Parker was ready to take some unusual decisions, then so was he. Making up his mind he faces the photographer sitting next to him, looking at the grey clouds leaving his lips before opening his mouth.

"Well what if I want it to concern me" he says, moving so he is sitting across from the other male.

"This will be sounding very sappy, but I need you to listen, Parker." Hesitating a moment, the latter gives a quick nod, signifying for the other to continue.

"Spider-man has dissapeared. And it's freaking everyone out. I feel like his dissapearence had a wrong effect on you. It's as if you lost faith in the world, man. I understand it's scary that he is gone." He pauses a moment, seemingly to get his words in order.

"But Spider-man is our Hero, he protects us. Now let's be a hero ourselfs. If we take care of, let's call it the little guys- for a while for him, he can focus on himself. The hero protects us, but we can protect the hero too. We are not alone"

A small smile overcomes Peter's features at the mention of the Little Guy, remembering when Tony had called it so on their introduction. Unknowing why the smile crossed his face, a bit of weight removes itself from Flash his shoulders. He hadn't realised how long he hadn't actually seen Parker's his smile, but now that it's there it brightens everything up just a bit. It calms him down knowing that the old Parker is still there.

But slowly it starts to dissapear. Dark clouds seemingly surrounding the air around them. Perhaps from the new cigarrete that was just lit up, but maybe it also had to do a little with the sign of happeness being chased away by hidden thoughts. But with every word spoken the thoughts are a bit less a secret. And instead of clouding just his mind, it clouds the space around them, showing Flash just how dark things are.

"Spider-man wasn't good enough already! How are a few civilians good enough to save themselfs against what's out there when they already put their trust into a dissapointment like Spider-man!!" Eugene never thought he would see the day Peter Parker would reach the point of straight out yelling, but here they are. Taken aback a bit, he shrugs of the volume of the words and instead focuses on what was actually being said. Parker never talked much about Spider-Man, but he surely didn't hate the man, right? He was a hero, it was impossible to not see that. But somehow this didn't seem like the standard 'Spider-man is a menace' spiel, instead it felt personal. Puzzle pieces slowly forming in his brain, but not being able to be solved yet.

Although Peter was exhaling the smoke, releasing the dark clouds from his body, it seemed that his mind just became more clouded. Thoughts shooting around like lightening repeatedly hitting a target without fail. He couldn't see himself as a hero. Every battle he went into, someone suffered. There always was someone he couldn't save, be it a scrape or their life, he felt guilty about it all. Some of the bad guys escaped, continueing on to be a threat to others. Meanwhile others got locked up, mostly those with a change of heart. Either scared by their own actions, or just having a moment of sane thoughts. He always did something wrong.

Maybe it was better if Spider-man dissapeared. Because although the world is a dark place, to Peter it only seemed like he made it worse.

And with that last thought, he completely breaks down. Flash catches on too late. Because before he can react, a skull meets the ground. The asphalt of the parking lot they're sitting on is soon covered in red splotches. The moment Flash notices those, he jumps forward. "Parker! Stop it" 

Self harm is a strange thing. most people identify it with blades on a skin, or lighters too close for comfort. But in desperate attempt to make the thoughts raging inside his head stop, he attempted to beat them out of his head. Beating himself up in the process. If he had any lucid thoughts at the moment, he would have realised that what he was currently doing was a form of self harm. Instead his head meets the ground again, a small cry leaving his lips as his head screams at him. 

Before the harmful impact can happen another time, two hands come in contact with his brown hair, one slowly moving down to his jawline. Carefully applying some preassure so his head is kept in place. "Parker-, calm down." His hesitation makes Peter blink up at him for a second, before his thoughts yelled another round of loathing at him. He needed more, he deserved to hurt more. "Please, Peter. Please stop." As the pleads reach his ears, everything seems to stop for a moment. It appeared as if Flash was actually concerned about him, and he didn't know what to do with that information. The inner turmoil changed to doubt if he deserved the concern, but slowly the other thoughts slipped to the back of his mind. The clouds still being dark. However slowly morphing into a light shade of grey instead of the black abyss it was before.

Flash watches the thoughts and emotions pass over Peter's expression in rapid speed before indeed clearning up a bit. Slowly their eyes meet each other again. But the fear and concern evident in Flash's eyes stops the troubled male for a second before actively throwing himself away from the other. The force used to do so makes his head collide with the concrete ground ones again, a shocked cry leaving his lips at the unexpected collision.

"Peter stop! you'll hurt yoursel-" He stops dead in his tracks, eyes widening with more fear than he thought possible. "Yo-You're bleeding. Peter sit down, you're bleeding!" his voice rises with every word he says, panic lacing his tone. He doesn't care about how scared Peter seemed to be of him just a second ago. Although he had a suspicion Peter was more scared of himself, and how he affected those around him. 

Desperately reaching for the skinny body of the other male, his heart stutters in triumph when he manages to pull their body's togheter again, savely securing the other's head to his chest with his arm. He is concious about the other hearing his racing heart, but ignores it in favor of inspecting the damage on the boy's scalp.

"Calm down okay, listen to my voice. No one is around, we're alone. Can you focus on me" Peter seemed to slightly grasp onto the words being spoken to him. His gaze flicking through the empty parkinglot, confirming that they're indeed alone, Vaguely remembering that they skipped class and everyone else would be inside the school building. 

As his gaze focuses back on Flash, he sees a shaky exhale escape the other's body before a hesitent smile graces his face. Its only a slight tug upward of the corner of Flash's lips, clearly a sign that he is trying, while not being in his element. It still manages to slightly calm him down though. "That's it, Peter. Don't worry about anything. Just calm down. Please"

The care and concern in his voice was somegthing Peter never expected to hear from Flash, but at the same time it seems to match his hidden personality. The parts of the jock that he tried to keep hidden although they've unbeknownst slowly been surfacing for the past few weeks. At the realisation that this is the real Eugene- who genuinly cares all energy leaves his body, having him slumped in his former bully's arms. "There we go, Parker" Flash says, his confidence slightly returning as Peter's inner fight officially dies down.

"Let's talk alright" Not having the energy to do anything but nod, he feels himself being pulled up into a more comfertable position while still leaning against the other's broad body. 

Without having to say anything they both agree that they should first take out another cigarette. Taking the time to let the calmness settle into their body's and for the pain in Peter's head to move to the back of his mind.

"Dude, what is going on"

"Spider-man was just one big dissapoinment. We're better of without him" 

He hadn't expected those words to come out of him. However after quickly thinking them over he realises that those are the thoughts he has had the most since his, in his opinion, failed battle with the Vulture. He takes another drag, deciding that he is glad to have gotten an oppertunity to release the words clouding his mind.

"Okay first off, I wasn't talking about that anymore, now its about you. Second, that is bullshit. Spider-man is one the best superheroes there is. And don't you dare say 'was' because he is not dead, and he will come back"

At the first sentence Parker's head tilted to the side, giving him the look of a confused puppy. Peter wondered what about him he wanted to talk about. Beside Spider-man he didn't seem to be interesting. "Why exactly, did you start smoking?" Flash carefully asks, having quessed what the unsure expression was about.

unknowingly he somehow knew the question was coming. From someone at least, maybe just not so soon. Making him unsure of how to reply. 

"It's because I needed something to ground myself" he decide to go with.

"But why this? There are so many other options, less harmfull ones. " 

"Okay, but listen carefully because I don't feel like repeating this" Flash shifts his body a bit creating more space between the two, showing his attention is fully on the other man. 

"I did a few bad things, or better said- too many bad things. I greatly dissapointed some people with what I did and I can't live with that. So I actually wanted to die, but suddenly dying would be too good to be true. I have to suffer. Pay for what I did. I needed something hurting me, without it being all too visible. So I settled on smoking. It doesn't necessarily hurt me, but it keeps me alive untill it kills me. The time I'm living is my suffering, and with every drag of a cigarette I take, I know that inside I am killing myself. And that is exactly what I need to keep myself grounded"

Peter releases a breath, overwhelmed by his own little speach. It sounded a bit too dark and cheesy in his opinion. But it was the truth, and now finally someone heard it.

"That doesn't make sense. What could you have done, to deserve something like this." He genuinly looks confused, with an edge of pity covering the tone he is speaking with. A moment of hesitation passes. He wanted to answer, but he wasn't sure how. Not because he didn't want to, no, the conversation is already in progress and he has to admit its quite relieving. He just doesn't know how to make Eugene understand.

"Let's just say I was never good enough. I wasn't there for someone day after day again. And then when I screwed this one thing up so badly, I hurt someone close to me, and I lost so much at once. But I also wasn't allowed to complain. Because when I lost all that, I deserved it. Because of me people lost way more that day. And later on when I tried to fix it. I only made it worse. More people lost more important things, and I screwed everything up once again." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Flash trying to say something, but he wasn't done yet and pointedly stared at the smoke emerging from the end of the cigarrete while continueing his speech. 

"Worst is, people tried to actually reward me. But I didn't deserve that. So I declined. That however, is what cost me to loose the last things I owned. Family, friends and any hope for myself."

Everything in Flash's head is working in overload. The outline of the puzzle has been completed, but anything else was still too messy to snap more pieces into place. 

"How can these results be this big. Aren't you making things worse in your head right now. Not to be rude, but how are your mistakes more important than those of anyone else."

"Because, I'm Spider-man"

the puzzle pieces click into place.

To Peter Spider-man is dead right now, contrary to what Flash just said. Saying his identity out loud scares him less than he expected, but he can't bring himself to care about something he doesnt believe in anymore. He is better of dead in his opinion. 

"I dissapointed so many people. there was this ferry accident. I failed to save everything, causing tons of people to lose things. Their cars, luggage but most importantly, their feeling of savety. In return I lost my suit, because I dissapointed Mr. Stark too much. Things like that just kept happening, and I keep being not good enough every time again." 

Meanwhile Flash is still working on his inner puzzle. Every word being said. Each situatuon mentioned. It all finally connects to each other. One piece of the puzzle showing a lonely Liz at Homecoming, the other shows Spider-man fighting the Vulture at that exact same moment. And with everything Peter explains, more of those pieces fit togheter untill he feels like he almost has everything.

"Point is, my mistakes matter more. I'm not like you, or anyone else, that if I fuck something up I just dissapoint a few people or something and set it right later on. No, My mistakes feature lives at stake. And we are better off without me, I'm just sorry for seeing that so late." 

Flash looks up at that. He swallows once, while stamping on the remainder of his cigarette effectively drowning out the last of the little flame hidden inside the cancerous materials, before finally saying something again. "Look dude, Spider-man is my idol. Has been since he first appeared. We never were on good terms, but knowing it is you behind that mask, doesn't change my opinion of my favourite superhero at all. Like I said, Spider-man is a hero. You do way more right than you do wrong, I promise you that. Everyone does wrong things, hell I mess things up daily. But you do it for the greater good. And that's what counts."

"I don't know man, I'm just lost right now."

With those words an actual smile graces Eugene's face, finally having completed the puzzle. He looks at the picture in his mind for a second before a whispered responce travels through the air.

"I'll help you get found then"

**Author's Note:**

> hello. thank you for reading my first oneshot on Ao3 !  
> I will definitly post more one shots, so if you are interested in that keep an eye on my account! 
> 
> quick note, I am not English so mistakes may appear...often.  
> you're more than welcome to correct them!  
> you can also comment if you need support with anything.  
> I will reply to everyone (:
> 
> Take care of yourselfs!


End file.
